A spiritual garage sale.

So, here's this girl. ...Just some girl. Actually, she's been called "the perfect woman" on several occasions, and by several different people -- if that counts for anything. I don't know what that means, exactly. I've thought it means that it's true, but... there's really no way to be sure. Anyway, she sits around her apartment most of the time. Looking at stuff. Sometimes she walks around to look at it, but whatever. She looks at all her stuff. Her shit, her crap, her material possessions. I don't think she really likes them. Nothing is right. It's either not the right kind of stuff, or not the stuff that she'd like to see when she looks at stuff. It's juvenile, it's boring, it's impractical, it's... it's unrepresentative. Plus, there's other people's stuff mixed in in places. That makes it sketchy. Faded lines....

So, I like being realistic. Not to say that I am realistic, but... the sentiment is nice. It's something I aspire to. I don't watch a lot of TV. I don't like TV. I fail to see it's worth anymore. I love. movies. Not just any movie, though. Good movies. I mean... really... just a really fantastic film -- there's nothing else like it in the whole world. Maybe I could never describe it. Same with music. I won't discriminate. If it's good, it's good, and if it's bad, it's bad. If the lyrics are good, but the musicality is bad... it's bad, but with okay lyrics. Heheh. So, I'm particular. Sue me. I like sports. I like the glory days. I like to fight, I like to learn. I like really girly things, like shopping and doing my nails. I like food. I have an elusive fixation with justice, Angels and the desert. I love. stories. And elephants. I like elephants.

I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, but I'd rather feel like I'm progressing towards something. I want to evolve. It's not exactly a possibility yet, though. But as soon as I get the opportunity, I'm taking it. I'm taking over. I'm taking full, militant control over it. I would rather look at my stuff and look at my life and see the things that I'd like to see there. All the right things in all the right places. If it's important, I'll compromise. If it's not? Forget it.


Kate and I are going to go into business together. I like Kate. She's the kind of person I like having as a friend. She's realistic... she's normal. Believe me, that's huge. After all the f***ing crazy people I've wasted my time on?! I don't want to waste my time anymore. I'm learning little by little what kind of shit I just don't need to take in my life. And I'm getting rid of it. Sure, it hurts. I'm hacking off chunks of my life one at a time. I'm just dropping pieces of myself on the side of the road. People, possessions, thoughts... all these things that make me who I am. Things that have shaped me... are going. Because they are not who I am anymore.


I need to get rid of more. Sigh. The clutter is crowding me. And right now, I think I need some space.

You know, some people come into your life, and they stay there. Some people come into your life, and then they go away. Some people come and go, and then come back again. ...And each time... each encounter... you learn something. All that we are is the direct result of what happens to us. Every person you come into contact with trades a little bit of their self with you for a little bit of yours. We all build each other, and we all become... what we are.

Man, I didn't get anything accomplished today.