Also.

Why does Asia Sun marital arts school have three Hummers?




Is it a mobile ninja task force?

A note. On a few things.

There are few things worse than cold toilet seats and few things harder than getting comfortable. I find few things sexier than black nylons. You will never find "the perfect thing" if you already have any kind of idea of what you want it to be like. I looooove chocolate, but if I eat it I'll get faaat.

There is really something about Van Halen's sound that gets me going.

Tired.

I had my morning coffee today. ...And my afternoon coffee.... and my six o'clock coffee.

I can hear my watch ticking, but I don't know where it is. It is a very loud watch. And it is older than I am. I had an alarm clock once... I mean a real alarm clock -- the kind with bells on the top that you see in cartoons. That was the loudest f--ing clock. It ticked so loud that I had to keep it in my closet underneath all of my socks at night because I couldn't sleep with it ticking. That, and when it went off it pretty much stopped my heart every morning. The danger of keeping it in the closet, though, was that sometimes a sock would get stuck in between the bells, and so the mallet in the middle couldn't move to ring them in the morning. I was late to school too many times because of it, so I had to buy a new alarm clock. It's the nicest alarm clock in the world. It's shaped like Hello Kitty, and it is so soft and so gentle... It's as if Hello Kitty is sitting next to my bed petting my cheek and whispering, "Okay, it's time to get up now, dear." I bought it online from Japan, so I had to learn how to use it by trial and error. All the buttons are labeled with characters.

I'm so done.

Nothing's quite what it seems.

Did you know that there are six handicap parking spaces out in front of Dick's? Six. Six handicap parking spaces outside of Dick's. So, tell me... how many handicapped people are going to be shopping at a sporting goods/athletics and outdoor sports superstore at a time? Really. I'm just curious.

I have this mean, nasty habit of staying up too late -- especially when I have to get up in the morning. Did you know I have to set an alarm to go off on my phone every night that tells me when to go to bed? It just stinks because, naturally, my body is very night owl. I think I would do well working a second or even a third shift somewhere because I am more active and more alert later on. But I will never. Because no one else does. I have sense enough to try and force myself into a more normal schedule, because I think it will help me be a more productive member of society.

Peace out.
War in.

Knowing.

My brother celebrated his birthday recently. I love my brother! I have some really great memories of him. And he is such a good person.. a much better person than I think I could ever be. I have bad memories, too, mostly from when we were children, and he used to tease me so horribly! But that's normal, of course. Sometimes I wish he and I could be closer. There's still time, I suppose, but we're both young now, and it would be fun to have a friendlier relationship in that context. His friends like me, and they try to include me in things from time to time -- I wonder how it would be if I were more involved in their group. They are all good people.

My very favorite memory of my brother is when we were teenagers. Sometimes on Sundays our parents would go to church early but let us sleep in. When we were awake Mom would tell us to go to the afternoon Mass. So, Johnny and I would get dressed and get in the car, and go to get bagels. And we would park the car somewhere and sit and eat bagels and talk for about an hour until church should be out. Sometimes we would go there just to get a bulletin as proof that we "went," and we would run into other kids we knew doing the same thing. Sometimes we'd talk about God, but not all the time. Even if we didn't... I never minded, and I don't think He did either, because John and I were spending good time together and bonding. ...It was nice.

I think my greatest weakness is my lack of faith. Sure, I have my own spiritual beliefs (however unorthodox) -- that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about faith in general. Faith in other people, faith in the future, faith in my own actions and decisions... If I really believed, if I really had faith, that everything was going to work out alright, then maybe I wouldn't be such a mess all the time. If I really believed in myself, then maybe I would take a chance once in a while, and it would pay off. ...But I'm too scared of the "what if's." I'm too scared of not getting what I want.. of not being happy. And I hate hate not knowing what would have been. I don't want to miss a really prize opportunity. Even if I tried something and it didn't work out, at least I would know.

But it is not my place to.