Zzzzs is just a bunch of letters.

Do you know I almost walked out of the house without a bra on today?? ...That's what kind of a week this has been. I put my jacket and my bookbag on and I was about to leave the room when I looked at the chair, and lo... there my bra lay. And I stared. I stared at it in utter horror that I had left it there, not put it on, and not. even. noticed. It's a tease, you know... Thanksgiving. Home for a couple days then thrown back into an immediate, vicious, week-long mountain of work. I have never seen my room more of a complete mine field. Every inch... floor, bed, desk, chair, nightstand, dresser, behind the door... under the rug.... in the closet..... The whole room is the monster. I'm done with my papers, but I still have the exams. I am so ready to be gone. I need to move to the next thing, but it's not really under my control.
Do you know what an awful feeling it is to close out your savings account because you have just enough money in it for rent? It's a bad feeling... because it's not something you can do again next month when you need rent. I remember the day I started my savings account! It was a happy day. I had more money than I had ever had in my life. Surplus. For the first time... in cash, and in my hands. ..That didn't last long, I guess.
I wonder what will happen to me. I wonder how I'm going to make it through the next six months when I'm already stretched so thin. Will I be able to better deal with problems after this? Will I become less stressed? by things that I know shouldn't bother me.... but do. Will I ever be happy again? ...Was I ever? I wish I knew. I wish I knew just one. thing that was going to happen to me, so I could have something to count on. Then maybe I wouldn't be so crazy now. Because I think I'm going to die soon. But if I knew that something was going to happen to me in the future, I would know... that I'm not going to die as soon as this week is over.
I haven't slept for very long... not last night, not the night before, or the night before that... not even the half hour before work. I came in early and sat on the sofa in the lobby and slept. The same with the hour before lecture this morning in the desk in the hall... but the hour before that was frantically spent in the lab finishing my data analysis.