Home remedies.

So, I have this thing... I have this thing for medicine. Don't get me wrong! but, damn, I love. medicine. Think about this one for a minute -- bear with me. You're hurting. Any kind of hurt! Your muscles hurt, or you've got cramps, or a headache, or a migraine, or the gash on your leg stings real bad... whatever. So you swallow these little pills... these... little pebbles or capsules or what have you... these magic little... things. You swallow this thing. And it goes down your throat into your stomach... and it knows what to do. Now, I haven't conducted any massive-extensive scientific research or anything, but I'm pretty sure that pill baby doesn't have a brain in it. But it knows what to do! What the hell!?!? Hahahahaha, it goes into you, and then it sees that something's hurting you, and it goes to that place, and it Bruce Lees the pain. Where does it go? I don't know. It goes away.

That's magic. That's gold! I don't know what else to say. I take four Advil on a good day. It used to be Tylenol. Tylenol is the lightest. I took it, cause I knew how I'd be about it. Take one... take two... after a few years, I'm taking four, five, six? Switch to somethin' stronger. Advil -- that little extra kick. I'm takin' four. If it ever gets to five, I'll have to cool it and switch again. Aleve... my, God, that stuff is Bruce Lee on his best day! I'd quit if I ever got to three of those. And then Aspirin. Please don't ever exceed six in four hours! ...Yeah, that takes me to about retirement age, I guess. And then I'm on prescription stuff. Doctor's orders only.


So, I'm just chillin' with Van Halen, digesting my calzone, feeling sorry for my Friday-fried hair. I'm blond again... and by "again," I mean the last time I was only blond for about an hour, but I figured I'd give it a shot this time. Sippin' my late night Dr. Pepper -- Dizzy would be so proud. I know there's a million things I need to do, or be thinking about, but... hey, we're pretty much not functioning upstairs at the moment. Something went to sleep about six days ago, and it's been hitting the snooze button ever since. Once, I hit the snooze button from eight in the morning all the way to noon-thirty. That's my personal best, but... six days....

.....Aragorn is looking at me funny... that's what I get for having to use other people's computers.

The next time you get a chance, you should spend the morning in bed. You might be amazed at how incredible you feel. I mean... when was the last time... you slept.. so restfully. And then woken up, warm and dreamy, turned over and smiled at what you saw... then snuggled back into warm dreams. The next time you wake up, you don't even open your eyes. You can tell the sun is crawling into bed with you too. Then, your cat pads up the comforter to nuzz and purr and cozy up with the team. There's just something so satisfying about consciously turning off the alarm clock. By the end of it all, you're making the coffee just for shits -- not because you actually need it. You just like the smell. Pancakes for lunch on the balcony, and a slow shower. You don't just look beautiful because you're clean. You're happy. Genuinely rested. You take full advantage of that killer inner beauty and get all dressed up. Perfect hair, perfect make-up -- it's time for dinner. You've lost one, whole, entire day. The best day of your life.

Sleep late. Dream more.